So I intended to write a post today chronicling the scriptures that gave me peace during the week of Brandt’s birth.
But then I went to visit Brandt this morning and got some bad reports that really weren’t so bad but discouraged me and the pump malfunctioned and the milk spilled and I didn’t get to hold Brandt for as long as I wanted and I had to go home knowing that I wouldn’t be able to visit him again today because Aaron starts grad school tonight and I found out that we might have a problem with health insurance and it all just seemed like too much and it was time to pump again and I didn’t want to pump I wanted to hold my baby but he’s sick and I can’t so I cried.
I tried to remember that I don’t need to fear anything that is frightening and that I shouldn’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles and that God is with me and sympathizes with my weaknesses. I took a nap. A friend called and I asked her to pray for me, and my soul felt a little soothed. When it was time to pump again, I spent the time singing songs about how God restores weary souls and faithfully provides and hides a smiling face behind unhappy circumstances and stores up blessings in clouds that we dread. I believe those things, even when it’s hard. And I share this, not to ask for pity, but to be honest with my struggles and to say that God is good even on the bad days.