Today is my 30th birthday. Having a birthday 26 days after the new year begins offers plenty of opportunity for reflection. How different this birthday could have been! I spent some time looking back at posts from January in previous years to remember where I was and where God has brought me.
I’m not big on making new year’s resolutions. However, in keeping with its policy of opposing me at every juncture, my reproductive system appears to have made a few. Uterus, cervix, and ovaries jointly resolved to reach new levels of stubbornness and cussedness, and their first ornery act of the year was to delay my period for just over a week while simultaneously yielding negative pregnancy tests. But their fun could only last for so long, and a new cycle began yesterday.
A passing conversation between Aaron and me on New Year’s Eve:
“Here’s hoping 2008 has good things in store for us.”
“That would be nice.”
“Of course, I guess everything that God has planned for us this year is good.”
“Yeah. But we’d really like a year full of obviously good things.”
Welcome, day one of the new year. Welcome, day one of a new cycle. Welcome, day one of our fifth year of trying to conceive. Sigh.
Today I turn 29. Aaron jokingly called it the age I’ll be for the rest of my life. Truly, I hope that I’m never abashed by my age, that I never wail about getting old, that I never wistfully long to be in a different decade of my life. I want to live every year to its fullest, with joy and grace. But, I would really like to be a mom by 30. Please, God?
Now, here I am on January 26, 2010. I’m 30, and I’m six months pregnant after nearly 5 years of infertility. The Lord did not have to answer my prayers in this way, but he was so kind and mighty to do so! This birthday could have been a struggle, one where I was still barren and dreading the prospect of starting another decade no nearer to having children. Instead, 30 seems bright and exciting – a year full of obvious and long-awaited blessing. I don’t want to take this for granted; I want, as I read this morning in Psalm 2, to “rejoice with trembling” at my unearned blessings, starting with my salvation.
So cheers to 30, and glory to the God who has given me a 30th birthday that I don’t deserve!