No bleeding since Thursday; bed-rest seems to do the trick.
When people ask how my heart is doing, how I’m dealing with this scary situation, I can say – surprisingly, honestly – that I haven’t felt afraid of losing the baby. In these circumstances, I should be worried and fearful; but by God’s grace, I’m not presently experiencing fear at all. Several scriptures have helped me:
Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble (Psalm 119:165).
God’s law is his word, and his word is the primary means of knowing him. Knowing him gives great peace. Knowing him means that nothing – infertility, miscarriage, a complicated pregnancy – can make me stumble, ultimately. That doesn’t mean those trials aren’t hard or don’t affect me, but it does mean that they can never cause me to topple off the rock of my salvation.
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore (Psalm 121:2-3, 7-8).
When I woke up on Friday morning, I started to fret that I might have unknowingly moved some way in my sleep that could have exacerbated the hematoma or harmed the baby. Providentially, I read Psalm 121 among a number of other passages in my daily reading. How comforting to know that the Lord is eternally, perfectly vigilant! The One who made the whole universe watches over me and preserves me.
Lastly, a friend reminded me of a verse that has encouraged me so much in the past. I had shared it with her, and she in turn shared it with me. Speaking about Sarah and the holy beauty she gained by hoping in God and following her husband Abraham, 1 Peter 3:6 says to women:
And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Yes, a subchorionic hematoma is a frightening thing. But I do not need to fear it, because I have a good and great Savior.