Yesterday, I woke up feeling anxious. One day to go until the blood test that would reveal the outcome of this IUI cycle.

Yesterday, I served in the nursery at church, holding someone else’s fussing baby in my arms, standing and swaying until she calmed and slept. As the weight of her warm face pressed into my shoulder, wistfulness swelled and sighed in my heart.

Yesterday, I witnessed several young persons profess their faith in Christ and be baptized. Moms cried happily, dads proudly joined our pastors in lowering their children into the waters and raising them up again, and tears silently rolled down my cheeks as I wondered if we would ever have the joy of having children, of seeing them come to know the Savior and join his bride, the church.

Yesterday, I started to bleed.

Yesterday, Jesus Christ was the same, a rest for the weary.

Today, Jesus Christ is the same, God with me.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, and all my tomorrows, Jesus Christ will be the same, my only hope and peace.



Filed under insemination

21 responses to “Yesterday

  1. Mrs. Mom

    I’m so sorry, Andrea. But I am so glad that you are anchoring your soul to the Rock. I’ll continue to be praying for you and I’ll be waiting to hear what the doctors say…

  2. Anonymous

    Lamentations 3…22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; [2]
    his mercies never come to an end;
    23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
    24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

    …He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I will be praying that no matter what news comes today, that that this hope remains central, even if in the midst of tears. (whether joyful or sorrowful) We love you and will be praying for you today!

  3. Katie

    This morning the Lord put you on my heart and the scripture Isaiah 49:15,16:

    “I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

    I pray that today you will feel the very true nearness of God. He will never forget you, you are in His hands.

    Josh & I are praying for you this morning.

  4. lifemoreabundant

    ***big hugs***

    I’m praying for a miracle.

  5. Sarah K

    Andrea, I was wondering how you were doing yesterday morning…I’m sorry I didn’t ask you. James and I prayed for you guys last night and are continuing to pray for you today.

  6. Mya

    I’m so sorry. May God’s perfect peace continue to be with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. gracechild

    I’m so sorry Andrea. His plans for you are STILL to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a hope and an expected end. I’m crying with you & I hope to rejoice with you soon

  8. Anonymous

    I am more sorry than words can say. I am praying for you today. I’m at work right now and feeling rushed but I’ll email you as soon as I get a chance. I’m holding you in my heart.


  9. JJ

    Im so very sorry Andrea…you were in my morning prayers. My hope is that you are comforted by all of us thinking of you.

  10. elisabeth

    “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

    Your heavenly father is your very present help today as you mourn. He is your refuge and your strength. I pray that you will find your comfort in Him and in His steadfast love for you and Aaron.

  11. Amy

    Like many others (and you, I’m sure) I cried tears of sadness and frustration as I read this post. But I am also so grateful for the encouragement Jesus is, and is to you. I echo the many truths already spoken in the comments.

  12. Alex & Jill

    I read this with tears falling down my face. I can honestly say I’ve been there…I’m still there.

    I’m praying He gives you the desires of your heart very soon, Andrea. *HUGS*

  13. Joannah

    I just started reading your blog recently. I find your strong faith to be an encouragement to me.

    I am so very sorry that this cycle was unsuccessful for you. I have been there. I know the disappointment and pain.

    But you are so right. He is still the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And he’s only got the best in store for you and your husband.


  14. Glenna Marshall

    Oh, Andrea….I’m so sorry, friend. I was having high hopes for you this cycle! You will be in my prayers. I echo Aleece’s comment from Lamentations. Chapters 3&4 have been a lifeline to me over and over throughout this infertility saga.

  15. Brenna Christine Mertens

    Andrea. I honestly don’t even know how to express what i’m feeling for you right now. Like everyone else, I sit here with tears pouring down my face. Not just because I know this trial is difficult beyond words, but also because you are such an example to all of us. I’m so thankful for you, and I love you dearly as a sister is Christ. My prayers are for you Andrea.

  16. The Durbin Family

    Andrea, my heart aches for you. I am so sorry. You will be in our prayers, dear friend.

  17. Michele

    Oh, Andrea. I am so sorry. God is showing himself powerful in this. Thank you for evidencing that in the midst of the confusion and the pain. And remember that your deliverer “bowed the heavens and came down” (Psalm 18). I pray that you will be comforted by his great love and good purpose.

    I just have to repeat myself–“I’m sorry” and “thank you.”

  18. Sarah Kay

    I am so sorry. Words cannot express the comfort I am praying God will be to both of you or my awe at your continued faith and honesty during this painful season.

    Sarah Kay & the Ndjerareou family

  19. GLouise

    I am so sorry, my friend. It hurts every time 😦


  20. Alex & Jill

    Actually, the paperwork at all of my clinics/hospital has always said, “no nail polish” but I’ve always gone in with them done and they have never said anything. I’m such a rebel. HA!

    Still sending prayers your way, girl!

  21. Elaine

    Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and praying, praying, praying for you right now!!!!

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