How to Make Half a Pumpkin Spice Cake

First, sign up to bring a meal to a couple that just had a baby, but mix up the dates by a week. Rush home to thaw the soup that you cooked and froze previously and to assemble a salad.

Next, disarrange your entire freezer when you remove the soup. For maximum impact, place the plastic bowl of rock-solid soup on the very edge of your counter; that way, it will tip onto the kitchen floor while you wrestle to keep the freezer contents from tumbling out. Now, in your efforts to rearrange the items in the freezer, mimic that same action – the one where you place a bowl of something just a little too close to the edge – using a small glass bowl of leftover pumpkin puree and the freezer shelf. Congratulations! You have conducted a physics experiment that offers TWO educational results: Theorem 1 – The force of gravity has NOT ceased to function. Theorem 2 – Plastic can absorb the energy from an impact with a tile floor, while glass cannot.

Step back and survey the collection on your floor. Pick up the soup, now conveniently loose from its container, and set it to reheat in a pot on the stove. (You will probably need to wash said pot first.) Take the semi-intact jar of pumpkin puree and place it on the counter. Sweep up glass shards.

Check e-mail. Read a note pointing out that you do not, in fact, need to provide a dinner for the new parents tonight. You signed up for next week, you ninny.

Return to the kitchen to turn off the stove and scoop the still-mostly-frozen soup into a resealable bag. Put it back in the freezer; rearrange contents again. Decide to try to redeem the pumpkin puree. Pick it up in the remains of its glass container, then lose your grip and drop it on the floor again. This step ensures that the pumpkin will dislodge from all bits of glass. Rinse off pumpkin, to be sure. Sweep again.

Finally, search for a recipe that requires one (1) cup pumpkin puree. Determine that you have all the ingredients for a pumpkin spice cake, although you will halve it since it calls for a whole can. Call your husband and ask him to pick up cream cheese on the way home from work, for frosting. Eat an extra big slice.

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4 Comments

Filed under amusification, culinary creation

4 responses to “How to Make Half a Pumpkin Spice Cake

  1. Lauren

    Hilarious. I love Pumpkin Spice Cake–in fact I made it just a few days ago!

  2. Heather

    your freezer sounds a lot like mine. i started freezing EVERYTHING this summer – and now it’s packed.

    i’ve stopped volunteering to bring meals for people – unless they are very close friends. i always end up frantic like you, miss the day, or get frozen in my efforts to decide what to make…

    i could go for a slice of that cake…

  3. Amy

    Oh, I’m laughing so hard! This sounds EXACTLY like something I would do. EXACTLY.

    Glad you were able to find the humor in it. =)

  4. In Search of Morning Sickness

    This was soo funny and yet such a comedy of errors…. Too much like things I and my sisters have done (more than once!). The HALF pumpkin spice cake for you to enjoy sounds like the only bright spot.

    I should have written a similar entry back in September when I was in TX & my husband in GA… Entitled it “How to break $100 piece on your freezer when trying to eat dinner.” All because I had tupperware of frozen cookie dough & he was in a hurry… Bleh. Wonder if I should count that towrds our tax-deductable IVF-related stuff??? Afterall, it wouldn’t have happened otherwise! (I’m being facetious of course!)

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