Thank you all for your kind comments on yesterday’s post; your thoughtful words lifted me up. While still bewildered about where to turn next in our efforts to grow a family, I took some comfort in the chapter I “happened” to read this morning in Knowing God by J.I. Packer. (Please bear with the lengthy excerpt.)
Here is another cause of deep perplexity for Christian people. They have sought guidance and believe it has been given. They have set off along the road which God seemed to indicate. And now, as a direct result, they have run into a crop of new problems which otherwise would not have arisen… At once they grow anxious. Is their own present experience of the rough side of life (they ask themselves) a sign from God that they are off track?
It may be so, and the wise person will take occasion from his new troubles to check his original guidance very carefully. Trouble should always be treated as a call to consider one’s ways. But trouble is not necessarily a sign of being off track at all; for as the Bible declares in general that “many are the afflictions of the righteous” (Ps 34:19 KJV), so it teaches in particular that following God’s guidance regularly leads to upsets and distresses which one would otherwise have escaped.
[L]ook at the life of the Lord Jesus himself. No human life has ever been so completely guided by God, and no human being has ever qualified so comprehensively for the description “a man of sorrows.”
By every human standard of reckoning, the cross was a waste – the waste of a young life, a prophet’s influence, a leader’s potential. We know the secret of its meaning an achievement only from God’s own statements. Similarly, the Christian’s guided life may appear as a waste. Nor does God always tell us the why and wherefore of the frustrations and losses which are part and parcel of the guided life (pp. 239-240, emphasis mine).
I can be plagued by doubts about the choices that led to this point in our infertility. We thought God led us to defer starting our family for a couple years so that I would be able to stay at home; what if those years in our early 20s were our only window to conceive? We thought God led us to pursue specific infertility treatments in a certain way; would we have had a better chance of getting pregnant by eschewing those medical interventions altogether? Everything up to this point may appear like a waste to me right now, but God has guided and he keeps us on his track. How can I fail to trust the Lord Jesus who “wasted” his life to save my soul?